My brain says no but my pants say off.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
