I want to stick my p in your. b.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
