i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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