I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
