I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
