Where is the hickey?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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