So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
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Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
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Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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