i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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