Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
