He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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