I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
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