Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
