I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
