I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
