Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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