you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize