Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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