everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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