Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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