your room smells of hookers.
And success
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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