True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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