i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
