I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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