My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
