I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
