we have pet lesbian snakes
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
