is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
