It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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