Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
