if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
