i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
