im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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