U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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