I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
