my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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