they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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