watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
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Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
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We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.