Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
