I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
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I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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