So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
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So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
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I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.