He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
