Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize