sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
