I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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