I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
