hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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