either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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