i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
