i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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