I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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