I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
