Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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