My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
