if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
