wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
