Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize