NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
