I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
