Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
