Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
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how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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