I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
barbara walters just said penis...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
