I hope mine doesn't look like that
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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