he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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