what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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