he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
