Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
