Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
