My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
