Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
