new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Randomize
