Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize