Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
In other news, I just burned my penis
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
