You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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