Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
