I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
