I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
