I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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