Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
