I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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