I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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