I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
