god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
