I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
