I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
